The Southern Belle's Unspoken Rules to live by...

I'm a born and bred "Southern Belle" and very proud of this fact. Hard-headed and hot-blooded that's me. Now I have a saying about Southern women (yes me not my grandma) Southern women are good at making sweet tea, potato salad, love and revenge. Whoever said "Hell has no fury like a woman scorned" was surely talking about a woman from the south. Southern women do know how to get their revenge, keyed cars, flat tires, windows broken, and just plain ole cat fights are not beneath us. It's not because we really want the jerk; it's just we don't want you picking through our trash so to speak!




Now I have heard some crazy stories about women. One about this Southern Belle walking in and finding her new black stilettos and her best friend both wrapped around her boyfriend and I can tell you the aftermath from that fallout was like a nuclear explosion! She pitched a good old fashion hissy fit! Everybody in the place knew just what she thought of them both as she ripped her black stilettos off her friend. She was madder about the shoes than her boyfriend as men were like buses and another one was just around the corner. In the "other woman's" defense she was from up North and all us good Southern girls know she just can't have a Yankee girlfriend. She just doesn't get all this southern stuff!



I do however have a friend from up North and she has been in the south almost 16 years and has just earned her "Southern Belle in Training" T-shirt. Yes sometimes it takes that long to get it! I mean the woman didn't even know what grit was when she moved here! Y'all was a foreign word and she just didn't understand what all this "fixin" stuff was about. Fixin dinner, fixin to go to the movies, fixin you sister up with the football player, fixin to shut your mouth for you and fixin to get all gussied up! Yes she did not have any idea about that one Southern word and all its meanings.



Rule# 1. A man will believe anything if it's coming out of pouty pink lips with a Southern drawl.



Rule# 2. Any good Southern girl knows if you want to get a man's attention you need to start from the waist down because that is where his brain is.



Rule# 3. A Southern Belle knows how to make hard men melt like butter and soft men as hard as steel.



Rule# 4. A Southern Belle knows the secret to getting a man to do what you want is to let him think it was his idea in the first place.



Rule# 5. If a Southern Belle tells you "Isn't that nice “or "Bless your- heart"...It ain't a compliment!



Rule# 6. A Southern Belle's laugh is sexy as sin and full of promise.



Rule# 7. A Southern girl learns to wiggle her hips in high heels at the age of 5 and the older she gets the better she gets.



Rule# 8. Don't make a Southern Belle take her pearls off because this means it's going to get ugly!



Rule# 9. A Southern Belle knows every button to push to make men (and northern girls) fuming mad (we were taught this in grade school). Then we just sit back, laugh and enjoy the show.



Rule# 10. A Southern Belle is alluring, crafty and always a sultry femme fatale (Just watch "Body Heat" with Kathleen Turner).



Rule# 11. A Southern Belle knows the secret to keeping a man  blissfully happy is making sure his belly is full and his nuts are empty (an old wise Southern Belle told me this one).

A Time of Rest and Healing

Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28


Sometimes life just wears you down and you feel paralyzed with grief, fear, pain, heartbreak or just overwhelmed with the burdens of this life .We have all felt lost at times in our life and can’t seem to hear the voice of God. We often feel like he has abandoned us but in truth it is us who have abandoned him. We get so caught up in our earthly trials that we don’t stop and listen for his voice. This is when we need it most and I’m guilty of this as well.


Some people in their pain and anguish turn to, alcohol, drugs or anything they can find to just take away their pain for a time. I'm guilty of this as well. When my marriage broke up I became a party girl for a brief time. It didn't take long for me to realize that was not the life I wanted and it only relieved the pain temporarily. Then I turned back toward God. That is when my true healing began. I wish I could say to all who are reading this that it was a miracle and my life changed overnight but it didn't. The first year was the longest year of my life. With a sense of renewed faith and perseverance I kept slowly healing.


My first Mission trip to Peru was the balm to my battered weary soul. When one woman of that country wrapped me in her most prized possession (an alpaca shawl) and gave it to me as a gift because she wanted to remind me that I would always be covered in God’s love. I broke down and wept with the joy that God had placed in my heart. It is true when you are in pain if you reach out to help others you in turn will be headed as well. I know because I felt it in Peru and will never forget the people or my time spent there.


I would love to say even now that I'm finally healed. But in reality I think the scars those years left on my soul will never be completely healed. I never thought that I would ever want to get married again. I never thought that I would let my guard down for fear of being wounded like that again. I have built barriers around my heart. I'm not sure anyone can truly get past their past without having issues. Duane's love and patience has helped heal me and perhaps that is why I believe in marriage again. Why I feel like just maybe I can do this again and get it right.


We all go through tough times and for some of us it’s tougher than most. You just pick yourself up when you fall, dust yourself off and look around and find something to smile about. Maybe it’s as simple as the sun shining on your face, the touch of a baby’s hand in yours, the smile from a stranger, or just knowing the fact that this too shall pass and that tomorrow things will get a little easier. Just don't lose faith and remember faith makes things possible not easy.

God has told his people, "Here is a place of rest; let the weary rest here. This is a place of quiet rest." But they would not listen. Isaiah 28:12






This is what the LORD says: "Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, 'No, that's not the road we want!' Jeremiah 6:16






To another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healings by the same Spirit,
1 Corinthians 12:9






Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; Save me, and I shall be saved. For you are my praise. Jeremiah 17:14

Expectations...

Expectations… Hmmm… Has one little word ever caused so many problems in relationships? I don’t just mean husband and wife either. I mean all relationships, parents, siblings, and co-workers as well.

Now I’m just making an observation here (or drawing from my own dealing with people) about this one simple word. I had a friend tell me one time when she stopped expecting things from her family then she stopped being disappointed. I too have felt this way it all started with my mother. First let me say without a doubt that I adore my mother and think she is amazing. This is about my expectations of what I thought a mother should be and how I came to learn that what we might need and what we get from people we love, may not be the same.

Let me start here I have blogged before about how sick as was as a little girl and then how I had cancer as a young mother. This last was where my learning took place. You see my mother was devastated when she found out I had cancer and she just could not be around me at that time. She told me once that I just didn’t understand what it was like to have a child with cancer. I told her true but I did know what it was like to be that child and need your mom.

 I was angry at her for so long over her inability to come to my aid when I needed her most. She wounded me deeply at that time. My mother has and always will be fragile. She has suffered many things in her life and her inner strength has been broken. She had too many people she loved in her life not be there when she needed them so she never learned to be there when we needed her.


I understand this about her and I learned to forgive her when I realized that she could not be the person I wanted her to be, but instead I came to love the wonderful person she is and to enjoy what she could give me. Once I stopped expecting things she could not give  my relationship with her transformed into something beautiful. I cherish every moment I get to spend with her and we never have a cross word between us. Indeed she tells all the other children (jokingly) that I’m her favorite.

Now one of my sisters has seen how I deal with my mom and her relationship with our mother has been strained for many years. She decided to change herself and her attitude about our mother. She also realized that she was beating her head against a brick wall for no reason except that she wanted, what she wanted from our mom. When she finally understood it would not happen she let it go and embraced the woman our mother is and I’m happy to say their relationship is getting better everyday. I still have two siblings that are upset with her and they will have to deal with that when she passes away. I know for me when I stand over her grave I will have no regrets when it comes to my mother.

I have a tendency to be more open minded and easily forgive people. I think this helps me with my own expectations of people. I think that is why I understood my ex so well. You see he had a weakness and he struggled everyday with it. I understood this and accepted his behavior because I loved him. I knew I could not stop his behavior only he could. Was I disappointed in him? Yes of course! His behavior has crossed a line into something destructive. But this blog is not about rehashing my past with him. It's about understanding our expectations from other people.


Now what about expectations people have of us? Do some people you know have unrealistic expectations of you? I know what kind of person I am. I’m not the most dependable person in the world. If you ask me to do something 95% of the time I will do it but there is always the slight chance I may not. I will of course have a good reason (in my mind) why I didn’t. I’m very spontaneous and a free spirit. That has left my children a little upset with me and my ex too on more than one occasion. My daughter used to tell me she had to be somewhere 20 minutes earlier than she had to be just to get there on time. I think she is one of my smarter children. Instead of getting mad at me she just knew I was always late and made the adjustment(now if only my whole family had learned that).

“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

Engaged... To Duane...

My Beautiful Ring

Wow, where do I start? My "Hero" in the blue hat finally asked me to marry him and I said "Yes". We have been engaged since Sept. 21st. I’m walking on sunshine and it feels great! I had a feeling about him when we met and it turned out I was right! I've learned it's not about who you’ve been with; it’s about who you end up with. Sometimes the heart doesn’t know what it wants until it finds what it wants. I spent a lifetime with a man and didn't know that he wasn't what I wanted or needed until now...


My story with him is that way. My heart knew when I saw him and he said he knew too. I tease him all the time and say I was the one who found you because I spoke to him twice that day he just laughs and shakes his head. He has retired the KY hat and said he feels like he won the lottery when he met me. He said the day he met me was the best day of his life… I know this man loves me, I see it in his eyes every day and I feel it in his touch. Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it’s what you are expected to give, which is everything. I have given this man my heart and soul and he has returned it tenfold to me... I’m indeed a very lucky woman.


Sometimes we may fall in love the wrong person, cry for all the wrong reasons, but one thing is for sure, all those mistakes will help lead us to the right person. You may find a hundred reasons to leave that person but if the person you are with is the “ONE” then it will take only one reason for you to stay… Love… It’s simple real love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. I think about his happiness all the time. He is simply the most important person in my life...


We are planning a big wedding for June 8th at sunset on the lake. It will be very romantic and all of our friends and family will share in this with us. I want to thank all of my readers who have shared in this journey of self-discovery with me. It has been amazing and insightful, adventurous and fun, even sad and angry at times but I have learned a lot about myself. This is why I can now love fully with a grateful, happy heart.


I have learned that no matter what happens to you in this life we all make choices about how we will respond or react to other people and our situations. Life is full of choices and we are the ones who ultimately make those choices wherever those are good or bad. Please my friends make wise choices and if you make poor ones correct them as soon as possible and live each day like it was your last because it just might be… Remember we can all create our happy ending we just have to have “Faith”.

Love at the Lake



My guy and me with Eric and Tommy from KISS

All you need is love ~ John Lennon



“Life is like a box of chocolates you never know what you ‘re going to get”. ~ Forest Gump’s mama

When you reach a certain age I think you realize that life is about moving forward. People die, they leave sometimes or they screw up your life. But you just keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep breathing and go on with your life.


People are not perfect and no one can withstand the scrutiny of being examined under a microscope. I think the key here is understanding and forgiving. We fall in love and somehow we magically think the person we love is perfect! Then when reality hits we seem shocked! But I ask why? Do we truly expect people to be perfect? I have blogged about finding an imperfect person and loving them in all their imperfection. And that leads me to my marriage…

I think my ex loved me too much. OK some of you will read this and think she has lost her mind! How could a man do the things he has done to her and she have the audacity to say he loved her at all? It’s quite simply the truth and not everyone loves the same way. He loved me so much that he could not accept anything less that perfection from me. When someone has you on a pedestal and then you tumble off well it quite literally leaves them reeling.

Here comes the understanding part…
He told me many times that maybe he did expect to much from me but he was a perfectionist in his life. He was just as hard on himself when he fell short of his expectations. He knew what kind of husband he was to me and I used to think he never felt guilt about the things he had done. But in truth he needed to escape me and our marriage because I was the one constant reminder that he had failed as a husband and father. He could not stand being reminded of that daily and that is why he kept looking until he found someone else, someone who would look at him and not see his past. He has many great qualities and that is what he needed someone to see. That way he would not have to face his demons. My mistake was in thinking if he faced his demons and just asked us for forgiveness then we could all move forward as a family. I now understand that he could not admit to those things because they lived in a place where he did not want to visit. But as I blogged before he has a dark side as well. But what about my demons? Do I dare blog about them as well? Do I dare open up and pour out my soul to be examined by my readers?

Now on to the forgiveness part…
Let’s talk about me and when I tumbled off the pedestal. I try to be painfully honest in all my blogs and today is no exception. I hurt my ex when we were young and he never got over it, never trusted me again. He was so disappointed in me because I was not who he thought I was. The funny thing is he never saw how much I tried to make it up to him. He never understood that was the real reason I let him abuse me. I felt he had the right because I hurt him. But it did not matter to him because he could not see the depth of my guilt and that I wore it like a horsehair shirt everyday of our life. Indeed if he even read this he would scoff at me feeling guilt! Because he didn’t understand I needed him to forgive me, needed him to open up his heart again. He guarded his heart against feeling anything for me and that makes me understand now just how very much he loved me. I think he felt he would die if I ever hurt him like that again and so he set out to make his heart feel nothing. And indeed I think even to this day he tells himself he feels nothing for me. When in truth he will never love another like he did me. But he shouldn’t because he loved me too much… He could not forgive me then and will never forgive me. Sadly he is incapable of that with me. I think he thinks if he opens his heart to forgive me then he will just be inviting me in for more pain.

Now have I truly forgiven him? I tell myself I have…Hmmm… But I honestly don’t know if I have or not! Do I cry or get upset when I think about what he has done to me? The answer is NO! I understand why he did those things and I think in my mind the understanding of how different our minds work has allowed me to forgive him. I loved him with a passion that is even beyond my description. I remember one time when I was on jury duty and sequestered he came to see me (as I couldn’t leave the hotel) the sheriff watched my ex and I together as we sat and talked (me curled up in his lap with my head on his shoulder) , he came up after he left and said when he saw us together he realized that we had something rare and special between us. He said it almost made him cry when he saw how much love was in our eyes. I now understand that a person can love another too much and you can lose yourself and that is what we both did. I have forgiven myself for my past finally. I have absolved myself of the guilt that allowed him to treat me in such a way. I had no pride when it came to him at all, no self respect or love for myself. How could I ever expect someone to love that person? I had to learn to exonerate myself, love myself and respect myself before I could ever fall in love again. My self worth is not wrapped up in what someone else thinks of me now. It’s wrapped up in what I think and believe about myself. I will never allow someone to treat me that way again. I quite simply love myself too much now.


He hates when I write about us he thinks of it as another betrayal of our life. He does not understand that I need to write this to cleanse myself of our past. To help me understand and forgive him (and myself) so I can move forward with my life. Indeed writing is cathartic for me it allows me to pour out my soul on paper. It allows me to say what I could never say in person. I would feel to vulnerable or exposed to say these things. So I sit here at the computer and pour out my heart and hope when people read what’s inside my heart they will find understanding and forgiveness. Maybe not just for those two young kids who got married a 16 but maybe you can learn to forgive someone who has hurt you or even forgive yourself. We all need to be kind to one another in this world. Life really is too short to hang on to the bitterness, anger and pain that this life will surely dump on you. I want to start my new life with a clean slate and a heart ready to love fully again. But in order to do that I know I have to move past, MY PAST. I am in love again but this time it’s a different kind of love, one that is more mature. One that could possibly last the rest of my life, but time will tell… All I know is that right now I’m happy with my life and I’m moving forward with my life one breath at a time…



My grandmother used to say it was a good day when she woke up and put both feet on the floor. It meant she had lived to see another magnificent day. And she kept putting her feet to floor until she reached the grand old age of 99.



“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; But often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us”

~ Helen Keller


“Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts”

~ Charles Dickens


“A life making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing at all.”
~ Irish Saying


“The future is not set, there is no fate but what we make for ourselves.”
~ Irish proverb

Life is an adventure and one I intend to explore and enjoy fully...

Life is an adventure....

Wanderlust...Ireland...

“The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.” – St. Augustine

Adventure was born in my soul and I always look out the window and wonder where to go next… I do not like to stay in one place too long and yet here I am still in Douglasville Georgia??? Wondering why I haven’t had the courage to just take off for someplace exotic? Do I really need the security of a job and cash to take off? Is there some fear that holds me back? Is it lack of education or faith in myself that holds me back? How can you have a different life if you don’t have the courage to go after it?




I have a unique opportunity now that my children are grown and I’m single to live the kind of life I always dreamed of but do I also lack the courage to live that kind of life? Would that kind of nomadic life really appeal to me day after day? I think if I had someone who shared my passion for adventure to travel with me I would love it but how do you find such a person? When I tell people what I really want to do with my life they look at me like I’ve lost my mind and maybe I have. My mother once told me to learn to be happy with what I had and I quite frankly said to her Bullshit! I didn’t want to settle anymore, didn’t want to look over my shoulder and wonder what if! I wanted a life that most people only dream about but for the life of me I don’t know where to start! I know Lao Tuz says "The trip of a thousand miles begins with a single step".



Well Ireland is the next step on my journey... But I won't go without my lifelong friend Ramona. She and I have been planning a trip there for about 15 years now. I could have gone there many times but I refuse to go without her. I'm Irish and she swears she is Irish too. I do not doubt her as I truly believe Irish is a state of mind rather than a blood line. We have dreamed of this trip so many times but I think it's about to come to fruition. She and I are planning on going next summer at least for 1 week. We do not care so much about the places we will see as in the people we will meet. Of course we must at least kiss the Blarney Stone while we are there, and maybe have a few at the local pub and look for fairies and leprechauns.



I know my new love Duane would follow me anywhere I wanted to go. But would he be happy with that kind of life? Would my wanderlust drive him insane? I love him and want him to share in my sense of adventure. Could he and I have the kind of life I dream of and would it, could it be his dream too? He is an amazing man and I’m so lucky to have found him. I think our life together could be incredible if we both have the courage to be different… To take chances… Will he? Only time will tell… In the meantime I will dream of Ireland...

Giants Causeway

“Travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living.” – Miriam Beard

Donegal Cliffs

"Adventure is a path. Real adventure – self-determined, self-motivated, often risky – forces you to have firsthand encounters with the world. The world the way it is, not the way you imagine it. Your body will collide with the earth and you will bear witness. In this way you will be compelled to grapple with the limitless kindness and bottomless cruelty of humankind – and perhaps realize that you yourself are capable of both. This will change you. Nothing will ever again be black-and-white.” – Mark Jenkins

My New Love...Duane...

You remember a few posts back I commented on the man in the Kentucky "Hat" well I'm very happy to report that things are going very well... He is a dream come true for me... He is so good to me and thinks I hung the moon! I can't get over how it feels to be loved and in love. There is no doubt in my mind he loves me, he would do anything for me.  The true test of this came when I got back from Peru. I was sick before I left and had gone to the Doctor . I had a tick bite that they thought was causing me problems and I had a UTI. Well off to Peru I go and when I get back I hit the ground running and didn't slow down for anything. My plane lands and I go to work after a shower. Well one week after I return I get very sick and have to go to the Immediate Care and I get hooked up to IV fluids and more antibiotics. He is right there beside me holding my hand and taking such good care of me. He stopped by everyday after work and brought me chicken soup and Popsicle's. My son Jake came upstairs and said "Mom your knight in shining armor is here" when he showed up. My son Jake really likes him and so does my daughter Jessica. They like the way he treats me, they both said it's about time. My family likes him as well and for the same reason my kids do because he treats me so well and that they can see he cares for me deeply.

I go home rest for a few days and then back to work. One week later I get sick again and then it's off to the emergency room where they admit me in the hospital this time.  He is so worried about me and once again he is right there at the hospital everyday... Apparently I have an infection that has become antibiotic resistant. He has sent me a bouquet of flowers every week since I got back home.Well through this whole thing he has been simply amazing... I don't know what I would do without him?

Let me start by saying any man who will hold your hair while you throw up is a man you need to keep and when he looks at you at your worst and still tells you your beautiful then he is definitely one of a kind and I can't believe he loves me?? I told him it's like we have been married 30 years ! I'm so comfortable with him and this just feels so right... I ask myself what have I ever done to deserve this kind of love and I pray I don't mess it up Cause I'm in love too!!!!!!! Yes, you heard me say it! I'm head over heels in love with this amazing man! I did not think I would ever say those words to anyone again and I held back for a long time but this man will not ever hurt me, cheat on me, lie to me and just like me he is ready for love. He is a one woman man and he picked me... I'm so very lucky...

MY HERO

The bible states: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails ... (NIV) ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4–8