Amazing Grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me, I once was lost but now I'm found was blind but now I see~John Newton

Grace such a simple word and yet it is a miracle given to us by God.

The definition of Grace ~ in Christianity, the condition of being free of sin, e.g. through repentance to God, it is the infinite love, mercy, favor, and goodwill shown to humankind by God.

The Bible tells us ~ "For by grace you have been saved through faith and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone be found boasting. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:8-10

Grace is given unto us as a gift from God. We do not have to earn it only accept it. We need to feel honored that God loved us enough to sacrifice his son for our salvation.

Grace is given to everyone. It doesn’t matter how big or small the sin. Indeed we are all sinners in either word or action. We all have shameful moments deep in our hearts that we don’t want people to know about.

Grace has nothing to do with being “worthy” of it. Jesus died for our sins, we are all washed clean by his blood.

I have made many mistakes in my life and hurt people that I loved deeply because of those things.I can only ask forgiveness from everyone my actions hurt. Know this I never intentionally set out to hurt anyone and I was a very naive young woman; really I was just a kid. I hurt my parents and husband.

The mistakes I made were at a young age; I learned from them and they in turn help shape me into the woman I am today. A woman that I'm very proud of.

I know through grace that God has already forgiven me for those mistakes. I just could not forgive myself and I allowed people to treat me with disrespect because I felt they had that right; because I had sinned.

I had to forgive myself and learn to love myself. For if God loved me so much that he gave his only son for my salvation; how could I not love myself as he does?

The prostitute, drug addict, rapist and child molester have the gift of grace as well. This was hard for me to understand and accept at first. No sin is exempt from grace.

Also it is not my place to judge people when they do sin even if it’s against me. I am guilty of this and not proud of it. I’m deeply ashamed of myself for this.

My ex is one of those people and it is not my place to judge him or anyone for that matter. I have forgiven him for all the hurts and even asked his forgiveness for any part I might have played in the demise of our relationship.

But I still judged him, I think in part because he was never apologetic for any of the things he did to me. It fact the last time I spoke with him he was outraged about my blog.

I asked him if I had lied about anything that happened and he said “No’ “but that he could write his own blog to justify why he did all those things” and I replied “I wish you would because I honestly would like to know myself why you organized and carried out the execution of my heart”. I’m not trying to be dramatic but that is the best explanation of how he destroyed my love for him.

I have to stop being his judge and jury. I have to stop expecting him to ask me for forgiveness. I cannot make him regret the affairs or abuse nor can I ever demand him to be repentant to me. The only entity he has to be accountable to is God. Indeed he is the only one any of us have to be accountable to.

I have asked God to forgive me for being so un-Christ like and I will ask my ex to forgive me as well. I sincerely have forgiven him for everything I believe in my heart that if he came to me with a sincere apology that I would be able to close the door on this. I’m one of those people who have to know the “Why’s” of everything. I am a work in progress…

I used to tell him someday I would get my apology even if I had to wait at the “Pearly Gates” for his arrival and I would tell “Saint Peter” that he could not pass through those gates till I got my apology, of course if he got there first he would just have to wait on me(Saint Peter and I have come to an understanding about this)! Ha Ha! I can be a bit hard-headed at times.

Grace is available for us every day we just have to stumble toward the light and ask for it.


A man who was completely innocent, offered himself as a sacrifice for the good of others, including his enemies, and became the ransom of the world. It was a perfect act.

~Mohandas Gandhi




Hate the sin and not the sinner is a precept which though easy enough to understand is rarely practiced, and that is why the poison of hatred spreads in the world.

~ Mohandas Gandhi



My wedding day...So very long ago...

A Southern Belle and the Blessings Just Keep Coming...

Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends. 

 I have been blessed with many things in my life but one of the greatest is my friends. I have had a difficult few months. Without them I think I would have fallen into self-pity. Which is soooo not like me.

They have helped lifted my spirits and set my feet back on the right path. I now see things more clearly and know that the hand of God was at work again. I hope he forgives my dishearten spirit. I'm full of Joy and hope again!

The last few weeks God has more than made up for my little "down" moment. Indeed I can't wait to get up and see what he has planned for me. It's an exciting time.

Tomorrow I will be on an internet talk show and I'm very excited about it! I'm going to tape it and place it on my blog for everyone who didn't get a chance to see it live.

Wish me luck or is it break a leg???

There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship.

~ Saint Augustine

We are what we believe we are: C.S Lewis

My sisters Elizabeth, Nancy, my Mom, me and my sister Julie.

Do you ever question what your life could be like if you had the courage to be different, to change, reinvent yourself?


I know that there are times when I stand in the middle of the library and I sense that I’m screaming at the top of my lungs “this is not my life” and no one can hear me! Can anyone out there understand how I feel?

I’m proud of who I have become. But I know I can be MORE than what I am and I think God wants that from me.

I love being a mother and working with children. Taking care of them helps to heal the little girl inside of me.

The girl who thought she might die at 8 years old of cancer, the one who went hungry, the one her grandmother locked in a closet every time she was “Bad” and the one who heard her father beat her mother.

I grew up not comprehending the magnitude of what I was living through.

My mother had a mental breakdown when I was 12 years old. She was unable to even walk outside the house and she did not drive a car again until I was grown.

Her beautiful spirit had been broken…

My father was always gone and my older sister and I had most of the responsibility of taking care of our siblings and the home.

I learned very early in life to survive…

I did not know what death was but it frightened me. All I knew was that it must be awful because everyone was crying and hugging me. It took me years to overcome that fear.

I developed Claustrophobia because of the closet and it took me becoming an adult to overcome that. How I managed to overcome those things on my own even amazes me.

What can I do with all these lessons life has given me? How can I turn them into positives?


I'm a very optimistic person and always see the glass half full. I always look at the hardships life has handed me and try to learn from them. I try to become a better person in spite of what has happened to me.


One of the greatest gifts God has given me is the ability to forgive others. I can only say that this does come from God. I never hold on to grudges and become bitter.

In fact until my divorce those emotions were foreign to me. It was during that time that I first experienced bitterness and rage. That was why I blogged about everything, to get rid of all of that pain. I did not want that dark creature living inside of me. I'm a child of light not darkness.

C.S Lewis says “We are what we believe we are”. I believe that I’m different from most people. I think about the possibilities of life and being more than what I am now.

Sometimes those thoughts intimidate people. They like living in their comfort zone and don't want anyone to shake things up. I thrive on shaking things up and not knowing what God has in store for me.

Indeed I wake up every morning excited to see what he has planned for me today. I know I am only one person but I'm a child of God and with him all things are possible if you have "FAITH".


When I was in Peru I discovered something about myself. I want a life of significance; I want to change how the world thinks. God has a magnificent plan for my life and I'm going enjoy the ride.


I want to make a difference in this life… To matter… I just need to wait until God shows me the “how” and the “where”…







My heroine will always be my sweet mother...

The Snow Fairy written by Glenda Sisk



 My First Published Book!!!

This book was a labor of love for me. I wrote this book because my beautiful daughter Jessica "Rhiannon" wanted a story about Fairies, Princesses and Snow. She has always been the Princess" of my heart and I could never refuse her. So my little girl got her wish and the story is and will forever be hers.

Jessica "Rhiannon" "Princess of the Fairies' Sisk

I know most of my friends have already read or purchased this book when it  was first released and I thank you. You will never know how  ecstatic I was to see all my friends and family show up at Borders bookstore for my book signing that day! Celebrating my success with everyone was wonderful ! It meant more to me than you will ever know...I sold 85 copies that day alone! It was truly an amazing day!

I have written 13 children's books to date and so far only the Snow Fairy has been published. I'm still hopeful that the others will find a publisher. I'm working on a new book with a student at school. It's funny how that came about...

She needed a study buddy and I volunteered. She wanted to write a book like me and have it on the shelf in the Library. I thought great we can do that. All I have to do is make our book look like it was published. I thought a photo for the cover and photo's for the inside. Now I had to figure out what we were going to write about.

Her mother had just passed away and she was still mourning her loss. I told her when my dad died that I wrote letters to him when I felt lonely. She thought that was a great ideal and so began our journey of the heart.

I have been able to help her tell her story about her loss and wonder at what "Heaven" might be like for a child. We have explored all of the possibilities of what death might feel like to a 10 year old child.

I have tried my best to keep the purity and innocence of her thoughts while gently guiding her onward. This has been one of the most rewarding things I have even done in my life. I feel like I have learned a little more about "God" myself from this angel on earth. I would love for this to get published because I think every adult could benefit from it.  I also think every child who has ever lost a parent could understand that they are not alone ever.

Now if I could just make this little girl's story a reality (to be published) then she too would forever have her own story...

Here is her first letter...

Dear Mommy,                                                                       December 17, 2009

I wanted to write you a letter to tell you how I feel. Ms. Sisk is my study buddy and she is helping me write letters to you. She said it might make me less sad if I can still talk to you. She said when her Dad died that she wrote letters to him for a long time. Now I will get to talk to you anytime I want! There are so many things I want to ask you.

I’m sad today because you died and left me here. I’m afraid I will never see you again? Are you watching me from Heaven? Do they have the color pink there? I know that is your favorite color and I hope they have that color just for you! Are you an angel now? Do you have wings? And if you do can you fly? Is it fun being an angel?

I just want to thank you for letting me sleep cuddled up next to you at night, and for helping me with my homework. I miss everything we did together.


Christmas is almost here and I think about you every day. I hope they have Christmas in Heaven and I hope you have a happy one. I miss you mommy…


Love Forever
Your daughter
Akira

P.S Did you feel the ten kisses goodbye that I gave you?